


Reboot #333: Man’s Best Friend

by Rimedio



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 00:14:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16984473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rimedio/pseuds/Rimedio
Summary: The one where Eleanor's soulmate is a golden retriever.





	Reboot #333: Man’s Best Friend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eurydice72](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eurydice72/gifts).



> Thanks so much to my beta: [hollyashes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollyashes/pseuds/hollyashes)

 

> ******Daily notes log: attempt number 333 - Day 1**
> 
> This is the one, I’m sure of it. I’ve finally figured out the perfect fake soulmate for Eleanor.  Using demons never works because Eleanor is naturally suspicious and they are all terrible at acting like stupid humans. Using Chidi doesn’t work because they bond too early, it makes Chidi miserable, but he would never actually be decisive enough to give Eleanor away and that gives Eleanor too much security. Using Jason doesn’t work because they form team trash-bag almost instantly, and the reboot where Eleanor was paired with Tahani doesn’t even bear thinking about. First I thought of telling Eleanor that as best person there was no one her equal and not giving her a soulmate, but then I hit on an even better idea! What is the one thing humans will actually believe is better than themselves? Dogs! Humans are so stupid about dogs! All dogs go to heaven and all that jazz. So Eleanor’s soulmate will be, get this, a golden retriever! Named Rusty! It’s perfect, no human for Eleanor to team up with, no demon for her to be suspicious of! And Eleanor has never been a dog person (-75 points).
> 
> As for the others, I’m keeping the Tahani/Jason soulmate pair. That always works well.  They make each other so miserable! I’m pairing Chidi with Vicky, to get her off my back about not having a big enough part.  I don’t think Chidi is observant enough to notice she’s not a stupid human, and she really did a lot of research on Chidi when she was being real-Eleanor, so she should be good at torturing him.
> 
> Yes, I’m sure of it, this is the one!

  


**Day 1**

As the door closes behind Michael’s retreating back, Eleanor surveys her surroundings. It’s the sort of house she hates, all clean lines and tastefully sparse decoration. The sort of house that makes her immediately judge the occupants for being snooty and trying too hard.  Really, how hard is it to put in actual stairs? The clown paintings tip the room from highly irritating to truly horrific and in order to avoid meeting their creepy painted eyes she looks down at her soulmate, sitting perkily on the rug, panting happily at her.

“Hi Rusty,” Eleanor says in what she hopes is a friendly voice. She’s never really been into dogs, or animals at all, but she’s not afraid of them and she’s pretty sure golden retrievers are supposed to be friendly.

The dog pants at her and doesn’t move.

“How’ya doin’ buddy?” Eleanor asks.

The dog whines gently and, when she reaches her hand out towards it, stands and moves towards her, flopping down at her feet and presenting its belly beseechingly. Eleanor goes to her knees and tentatively gives it a belly rub. This dog thing might be fine….

 

Three hours later and the dog thing is not fine at all.  Before he left, Michael had told Eleanor about the neighborhood welcome party to be held that evening and pointed out the mansion where it was happening (apparently another neighborhood resident actually lived there). She’d been jealous that apparently someone got to live in what was essentially a palace, while she was stuck in this northern rustic whatever-the-hole with added clown monstrosities, but hadn’t really thought much beyond that.  But somewhere, in the back of her mind, she’d assumed that she wasn’t the only one with an animal soulmate. Sure Michael had been going on about what an unusually good person she (or rather the person he thought she was) had been and how that meant her soulmate was something special, but she’d been too busy dealing with how she’s apparently dead to really pay attention.

Only now, here she is, in a nice dress exactly her size that she’d found in the bedroom closet (after almost half an hour of searching, because of course the closet was behind a door disguised to look like _another_ clown painting), with Rusty her golden retriever soulmate standing by her side, looking around at the sizable crowd,  and realizing that all of the other people are circulating in pairs. Human pairs. Mostly matching outfit pairs (barf).

Eleanor feels suddenly, hugely, self conscious and wrong footed. She hates that feeling, and immediately scans the room looking for the bar and its promise of false confidence.

Before she can locate it, a neatly dressed woman who, surprisingly, seems to lack a partner holds up a tray in her face.

“Hi! I’m Janet,” the woman chirps, in an ostentatiously cheerful voice, “would you like a companion cocktail?”

“Uhhhh…come again?” This is way too much cheeriness for Eleanor to handle in her current state of mind.

“Companion cocktails!  The perfect marriage of you and your soulmate’s tastes blended into one _heavenly_ beverage,” the woman, Janet, says with a wink.  “Try one!”

“Erm, but my soulmate, is, uh--” Eleanor gestures vaguely at Rusty, who stretches up to nose gently at the tray.

“Oh!” Janet laughs, pulling the tray up and away, “of course. You shouldn’t give Rusty alcohol, you can just take one!” she suggests with a smile.

“No that’s ok!” Eleanor says quickly, grabbing a pair of matching drinks and almost stumbling in her haste to get away from the weird smiley lady. She takes a pull from one of them and starts to feel better immediately.  It’s delicious, everything she’s ever wanted in a cocktail. Except, she pauses, what’s that aftertaste? Fish? Eh. She shrugs, takes another drink and looks around to see if there is any food.

Half an hour later Eleanor is on her third companion cocktail, has established herself in the corner by the shrimp fountain, and _awww yasss_ this truly is paradise. Rusty is sitting happily at her feet, looking completely content as Eleanor alternates between eating shrimp herself and feeding them to Rusty.  She’s working her way through the different sauces determined to discover both her own and Rusty’s favorites and occasionally being interrupted by other soulmate pairs who want to pet Rusty and complement her on her perfect soulmate bond.  She is just thinking that maybe she’ll fit in in the Good Place after all when she is approached by a statuesque woman in the fanciest dress she’s ever seen, accompanied by a man in what looks like Tibetan monk getup.

“Hello, I am Tahani Al-Jamil, hostess for the evening,” the woman says in a posh British accent, “and this is my soulmate Jianyu, a buddhist monk who takes his vow of silence _so_ seriously he’s continuing it into the afterlife.” She laughs in a refined tinkle before continuing. “We _just_ wanted to welcome you to our home and make sure you are finding everything to your liking.  Michael told us about your uniquely perfect soul bond with uh—” she glances at the dog.

“Rusty,” Eleanor supplies.

“Rusty here,” Tahani continues smiling widely, “Jianyu and I also have a rare type of soul bond, ours is a spiritual connection of the deepest sort, which is why it’s not at _all_ a problem that Jianyu never says anything.” She is smiling so widely now it looks almost painful.

“Oh, uh, that sounds nice,” Eleanor offers, putting down her handful of shrimp. She feels Rusty lick at her fingers  as she reaches down to surreptitiously wipe her hand on the table cloth next to her. _Eugh!_ But at least the shrimp sauce is gone.  She can’t tell if she’s too sober or too drunk for this conversation, but she can only go in one direction, so she picks up her fourth drink and downs half of it.

Tahani notices. “What do you think of the companion cocktails? They were my idea! There are so many more exciting possibilities when entertaining here. I just love how it’s possible to use people’s deepest feelings and desires to make the perfect drink or dessert or… well really the possibilities are endless!”

“Oh, er, they’re very nice,” Eleanor says, “mine have a sort of weird after flavor? Maybe because my soulmate is a dog?”

“Oh dear, I hadn't thought what effect that would have!” Tahani exclaims, “Janet!”

There is a _bing_ , and the woman who originally offered Eleanor her drinks appears, apparently out of nowhere.

“Hi there!” she says cheerfully.

“Janet, Eleanor’s soulmate is, mmmm, not human,” Tahani says, “could you make her a special drink that _isn’t_ a companion cocktail?”

“Of course!” There is another _bing_ , and Janet hands Eleanor a tall elegant glass containing a pale green liquid.

“Thank you Janet.” Tahani says.

“My pleasure.” Janet replies and, with a final _bing,_ is gone.

Tahani turns back to Eleanor, “Anyway, lovely to meet you Eleanor. Come Jianyu, we must mingle with the other guests, can’t spend the whole night with one person even if she _is_ the top points getter in the neighborhood.” And with that she sweeps off carrying the monk guy along in her wake.

Eleanor stares after her, feeling vaguely insulted, “Have fun you stuck up stork,” she mutters, but not loudly enough for Tahani to hear, and is immediately distracted when she tries her new drink and finds it heavenly.  She chuckles to herself and reaches for another handful of shrimp. She was definitely too sober before. This is definitely better.

 

 

> **Daily notes log: attempt number 333 - Day 7**
> 
> OK, we’re a week in and I’m more optimistic than ever. The chaos sequence was a real success. I think the fact that we were able to use giant storks when Eleanor really thought no one heard her compare Tahani to one set her up to be extra paranoid, and not having a soulmate to talk to is keeping her from trying to find someone to confess to. Also, we made Rusty sick for three days after the party and she had to hide at home with him in case anyone realized she’d made her soulmate ill.  She was climbing the walls! It was great.
> 
> Jason hasn’t blown it yet, but we’ll have to watch him.  Tahani won’t let him drink at any of the parties she’s hosting, which he hates, so that’s good. He’s made his—bud hole—but Tahani is determined to “thoroughly explore our powerful spiritual connection” so he doesn’t get to spend much time in it.  Tahani is hosting a lot of parties, which she likes, but Jason’s silent presence is definitely bringing her down. Telling her the points totals was inspired, she’s livid that Eleanor beat her, and since Eleanor is laying low she can’t even work out her feelings through vengeful event planning.  All going to plan there.
> 
> Vicky is doing unexpectedly well with Chidi. She makes him make all their decisions, while also insisting they do everything as a couple.  He hasn't stopped having a stomach ache since he got here. I didn’t think she would be able to stop herself from ordering him around all the time, but I guess she’s discovered how much more fun it is to torture Chidi by forcing him to make _other people_ do things.
> 
> Yes, things are good. I’m just off to the opening of our newest restaurant “Pie on a Stick,” which I have absolutely insisted that Eleanor come to. The seating chart is diabolical, I can’t wait!

 

**Day 7**

Eleanor shifts uncomfortably in her chair and looks around at the gathering. Why would anyone _want_ pie on a stick? What’s wrong with pie on a plate? It turns out the seating was prearranged so she couldn’t snag one of the two person tables for herself and Rusty, but the other couple at their table hasn’t arrived yet. Two tables over a nerdy looking man in a sweater vest and thick black rimmed glasses appears to be having some sort of melt down. As far as she can tell he’s hung up on whether it’s more proper to give his soulmate his seat because hers is in a draft, or stay in his assigned seat because the host planned the seating carefully. Eleanor snorts, and turns back around as her tablemates arrive.

Her heart sinks. It’s Tahani the stuck up stork (and doesn’t she regret thinking _that_ thought, luckily since nobody heard her comment no one’s connected the twelve foot tall rampaging birds that somehow oozed haughtiness while stomping all over everything, with her) and Jianyu the silent. Jianyu looks weirdly dejected, but she doesn’t really know what his normal expression is so who really knows.  He slides out the seat next to Rusty, and for a minute it seems like he is going to say something, the moment passes though, and maybe she imagined it because now he’s the perfect picture of a benevolent but silent monk, even reaching out his fingers and letting Rusty sniff them before carefully patting the dog on his head.

Tahani looks as stylish as ever Eleanor can’t help but notice, wearing a simpler dress than the last time Eleanor saw her and dropping gracefully into the last seat at the table.

“Hello Eleanor,” Tahani says, “and Rusty,” she nods at the dog as if he’s a person, “I haven’t seen you around the neighborhood much. What have the two of you been getting up to? Playing a lot of fetch?” She elbows Eleanor jocularly and laughs at her own joke.

Eleanor glowers. How does Tahani manage to seem elegant even when doing something as uncouth as laughing at her own joke.  Which wasn’t even funny.

“We’ve been exploring the surrounding areas,” she replies, putting on a voice full of fake enthusiasm,“the hiking is absolutely wonderful! You can get gorgeous views of the neighborhood from the surrounding hills and we found the most _darling_ mountain lake just yesterday.”

Hiking is something good people like right? The Eleanor who belongs here probably went hiking all the time and had like five dogs, all rescued from horrible circumstances. She doesn’t think Tahani is the outdoorsy type though.

“Oh yes, I suppose that _is_ what one does with a dog,” Tahani replies smoothly, “Jianyu and I have been exploring all the things the neighborhood, did you know there is a couples spa, a couples meditation zone, _and_ a couples jigsaw puzzle cafe?”

Eleanor is saved from having to answer that question by Rusty jumping into Jianyu’s lap and tipping his chair over, spilling them both onto the floor. However, when she wakes the next morning to discover it’s rained loofahs and puzzle pieces in the night, she decides something has to change.

 

**Day 8**

Eleanor stands in her living room. She’s cleaned her house for the first time since she got here (why doesn’t that happen automatically? Doesn’t seem very heavenly to have to pick up after yourself) and is wearing an outfit that she hopes is suitably saintly while also saying ‘please help me, I’m hot.’ Up to this point she’s avoided calling on Janet too much, not wanting to draw attention to herself, but there’s nothing for it, sitting in her (creepy clown) house worrying about being found out, with only a golden retriever for company isn’t working and, as last night’s weather has shown, she can’t avoid causing problems in the neighborhood anytime she interacts with other people.

“Janet?” Eleanor calls hesitantly.  

“Hello there!” Janet blinks into existence.

“So Janet, you know everything about everyone in the neighborhood right?”

“Yes I do! Well not everything, I can’t read minds.” Janet winks.  She actually winks. Does this robot woman ever stop smiling?

“Great! So…. I’m already a really good person, obviously,” Eleanor laughs nervously, “but let’s just say I want to… become an even better person, is there anyone who could help me with that?”

“I know just the person! Follow me.”

 

“Eleanor, this is Chidi Anagonye, he was a moral philosophy professor.”

A bespectacled black man in a dorky mustard colored sweater vest hurriedly puts down the  bagel-on-a-stick he is holding and stands. Eleanor takes one look at him and turns back to Janet.

“Got anyone else?”

“I’m standing right here,” says the man.

“No offense Cheez It, but last time I saw you, you were hyperventilating about seating assignments, I’m not sure you have the fortitude to teach me to be a better person.”

“It’s Chidi, and what it means to be a good person was the focus of my entire career!” He even _sounds_ nerdy, sort of unsure but forceful at the same time.

Eleanor sighs, what choice does she really have. “Alright Cherry, can we go someplace private?”

 

 

> **Daily notes log: attempt number 333 - Day 12**
> 
> Almost two weeks and everything is still going perfectly.  Chidi has started teaching Eleanor and she hates it. Eleanor has come clean to Chidi, so now he’s agonizing over the moral implications of keeping her secret, especially from Vicky. Jason has started breaking into Eleanor’s house while she’s with Chidi, so he can play with Rusty. He likes that, but Eleanor is going to catch him soon, so I’ll let it pass. And Tahani is extra miserable because Jason keeps disappearing and still won’t talk to her. I’m so happy.

 

**Day 13**

“Hey Rusty!” Eleanor calls as she enters her house. She’s grumpy and exhausted, Chidi was covering fallacious reasoning today, and as far as she can tell all her reasoning is fallacious.  Stupid subject. Stupid Chidi.

“Here boy!” she calls  again as the golden retriever fails to appear, “where have you gotten to?”

“Rusty, come back dog!” she hears an unfamiliar voice shouting in the distance.  Going back outside and walking around the house she is surprised to see Jianyu cavorting around in a very un-monk-like fashion.

“Rusty!” he calls at the stand trees beyond her back yard, “come on homie, you have to come back before Eleanor comes home! Remember this is supposed to be our secret, and it only works if you don’t run away!”

“Jianyu!?” Eleanor says.

“Eeek!” Jianyu spins around, “Eleanor! Where did you—I mean—” he stops and makes a face that is maybe supposed to look wise and serious, but mostly looks constipated.

“Jianyu!” Eleanor says again, “What are you _doing_ here?”

“I—” he stops and makes the constipated face again, before blurting out, “I’m not Jianyu, my name is Jason Mandoza, I am from Jacksonville Florida, and your dog is the only good thing about this stupid place. Do _you_ know who Blake Bortles is?” He sounds impossibly hopeful.

“What? No?”

Jianyu, er, Jason, deflates. “This place sucks!” he whines.

“Where’s Rusty?” Eleanor asks.

“I don’t know!” Jason says, “we were playing fetch, like always, and it was his turn to fetch, and he just… hasn’t come back yet.”

Just then Rusty sprints up from the direction neither of them are looking, a frisbee clutched in his mouth.

“Oh! Rusty! Where were you homie?” Jason exclaims.

Rusty wags his tail and walks right by Eleanor to go sit on Jason’s feet, still holding the frisbee. Jason pats his head fondly. “Good girl Rusty.”

“You know Rusty’s a— nevermind, come inside, Ji- er Jason, we have a lot to talk about.” Eleanor says.

“Do I have to?” Jason whines again, but followers her inside all the same.

 

> **Daily notes log: attempt number 333 - Day 17**
> 
> This is definitely the one! Misery levels are stable and relatively self sustaining. Tahani is miserable because Jason is still not speaking to her and keeps disappearing to do “monk things” on his own. Jason is miserable because Eleanor is making him go to good person lessons with her and won’t let him talk about football or his old dance crew. Eleanor is miserable because Chidi’s good person lessons make her feel small and Rusty prefers Jason to her. Chidi is miserable because Eleanor and Jason are terrible students and he is still agonizing over his decision to keep their true identities from Vicky.
> 
> So there is a lot to work with here. I think one of my mistakes in previous reboots was trying to move too fast and constantly up the misery levels. This time I am going to let them all settle into their miserable routine for a few weeks before throwing them the next curveball.

 

**Day 24**

Today should be no different from any other day. Eleanor has gotten into something of a routine, and since starting good person lessons with Chidi she doesn’t seem to have made anything weird happen. The lessons suuuuuck though. Why is Chidi always so infuriating?

She slams her way into her house, calling for Rusty.  As has been increasingly happening, he doesn’t come when she calls, and when she drops her stuff and heads out back she finds him, as she expected, playing the weird game of mutual fetch that Jason has dreamed up for them.  It’s Jason’s turn to fetch, which means he’s fruitlessly trying to get Rusty to stay in one place long enough for him to run over, grab the frisbee and bring it back. It’s funny and ridiculous and Eleanor is suddenly hugely angry.  She knows she isn’t the Eleanor that belongs here, but Rusty doesn’t know that and he is the one being _anywhere_ who should be totally loyal to _her_.

“Rusty come here!” she shouts, and then when Jason starts to follow the dog, “Jason go home! Rusty and I are having some soulmate bonding and you are _not_ invited.”

After Jason has gone off in a sulk, Eleanor calls Janet.

“Hey Janet, is there somewhere else I can go, that’s like not _in_ the neighborhood?”

“I know just the place!” Janet says.

“Well let’s go then! Come on Rusty, we’re going on a vacation!”

 

One weirdly old fashioned train ride later, Eleanor knocks smartly on the door of the surprisingly normal looking house Janet has led them to. There is some rustling from within the house, and then footsteps approaching.  The door opens to reveal a middle aged woman dressed in an outdated business suit.

“ _You_ again,” the woman says grumpily, “did you at least bring the cocaine this time?”

“I...” Eleanor starts, not really knowing where she is going with this.

“I see it’s just you this time,” the woman continues, “Oh look, a dog, that’s new.”

“Hi! I’m Janet!” Janet interjects.

“I _know_.” The woman sounds exasperated, “I’m Mindy St. Claire. And you’re Eleanor,” she nods at Eleanor, “Is the dog Chidi?”

“Wha--” Eleanor begins to retort.

“Whatever, doesn’t matter,” the woman continues without pausing, “you’re in the Bad Place, you need my help, blah blah blah, I guess you’d better come in.”

“We’re what!?” Eleanor screeches. Apparently loud enough to actually get through to this woman, Mindy St whatever her name is.

“You don’t _know_?” Mindy is so shocked she actually stops talking for a second.

“Wait, wait, wait,” the wheels are finally turning in Eleanor’s head. She gasps, “oooooh, I _knew_ , something was weird, there is no _way_ all the food in heaven comes on a stick!”

“How—” Mindy starts to ask, but Eleanor is mid revelation and there is no stopping her now.

“And clowns _are_ freaky! Everyone knows that. And—” she gasps again, “that’s why Tahani’s such a forking ashhole! She’s torturing me! Ooooooh that’s why I can’t say fork! But what about Chidi, he’s boring and stuffy but generally a good person—Chidi! How do you know Chidi!?” she whirl’s on Mindy.

“Usually he’s with you,” Mindy says.

“Interesting, so he’s really in the Bad Place too, and obviously Jason, I wonder who else. Do you know?”

“Nope,” Mindy says, “you’re not getting any more information until I get some cocaine.”

“Cocaine?”

“Yes! Cocaine! I haven’t had any in like a million years,” she huffs, “and that’s not an exaggeration.”

“We could go back to the neighborhood and I could manifest some cocaine and we could bring it back.” Janet suggests.

“Please. Do.” Mindy replies forcefully.

“Okay!” Janet turns and begins walking back to the train.

“Hold it!” Eleanor stops her, “come on Mindy, you can’t send us away without telling us anything, we _need_ to know.”

“No cocaine, no talky.” Mindy say, stepping back and slamming the door.

Eleanor immediately bangs on it.

“I’m not opening the door until I see some cocaine!” Mindy shouts.

“Fork you too lady!” Eleanor shouts back, “well Janet, I guess we better go get some cocaine.”

  


Stepping down from the train Eleanor sees Michael approaching the station.

“Quick Janet, this way!” she leads them around the other side of the station, ducking into some bushes she finds there. “You’ve got your powers back right?” she asks, “get some cocaine, quickly, and then we can get right back on the train as soon as Michael leaves.”

“Eleanor! I’ve been looking all over for you,” Michael says from just behind her.

Eleanor squawks and spins around, “Michael! Fancy seeing you here. I was just, uh—”

Eleanor is saved from having to make something up by Michael blithely continuing over her, “I wanted to speak to you Eleanor, because I thought that as the top points getter, it might be good if you were to take on a more active role in neighborhood life.”

“Oh, I, uh, I mean, can I say no?” Eleanor stutters, “I mean really, _can_ I say no?”

“Oh good!” Michael says, “I knew you would agree, where were you headed? I’ll walk with you and we can talk about it on the way.”

 

Half an hour later, Eleanor has finally managed to shake Michael’s endless stream of ideas for ways she can ‘promote neighborhood harmony and cohesion’ by claiming she wants a nap and taking Rusty and herself inside the house. She peeks out the window to make sure that Michael really has gone, and then turns around and calls Janet.

“OK, Janet, get me some cocaine.”

“Here you go!” Janet hands her a large bag of white powder that Eleanor assumes is actually real cocaine.

“Alright Janet, let's get back to the train station,” Eleanor says, opening the front door and walking right into Chidi, Jason hovering behind him, poised to knock on her door.

“Oh, er, hi Chidi!” Eleanor says, attempting to hide the bag of cocaine behind her back and making a shooing motion at Janet who blinks away.

“Eleanor, you missed class, you can’t just participate when it pleases you,” Chidi starts as Jason pushes past him into the house and makes a beeline for Rusty.

“I’m sorry, I just, I needed to get away, and then I met this weird woman, who’s like, _totally_ into cocaine, and she said some really weird things, but she wouldn’t tell me anything without cocaine, so I came back here to get some, but then Michael caught me and wanted to talk about some neighborhood improvement scheme of his, and I just lost track of time, but—”

“Woah woah woah, Eleanor, what happened now? Where did you go?” Chidi looks nonplussed and overwhelmed.

“Its called it the Medium Place? But that’s not important, the important thing is—”

“Yoohoo!” Tahani pokes her head around the open door, “is Jianyu here? He told me he was going to meditate with Chidi, but when I went by his house no one was home and Michael said he saw them walking this way.”

“Yo! What up homie!” Jason says cheerfully from the floor where he is rolling around with Rusty.

“Jianyu! You’re speaking! Wha—”

“Stop!” Eleanor holds up her hands, one of them still clutching the bag of cocaine, “this is important, and we have to hurry before Michael finds out. Earlier today Janet—”

“Hi there!” Janet blinks into existence behind Chidi, but Eleanor just plows on. “Janet and I went to a place that outside the neighborhood, it’s called the Medium Place, it’s not the Good Place, and it’s not the Bad Place, and there’s only one person there. She’s a coke addicted weirdo, but she told me this is really the Bad Place!”

“How can it be? I’m here!” Tahani protests.

“No think about it!” Eleanor says, “why all the weird food? And no cell phones? Or swearing? And Tahani, would your soulmate _really_ be someone who never speaks? And Chidi, the first time I saw you you were having a meltdown about choosing a chair! Would that really happen in the Good Place?”

“Hi guys, what’s up?” Michael’s voice comes from the still open door.

“N-n-nothing much…” Eleanor stutters.

“Eleanor says we’re really in the Bad Place! What do you think homie?”

“Jason!!” Chidi and Eleanor say simultaneously.

“Jason?” Tahani asks, but no one is paying attention to her.

“Aww nuts!” says Michael, “just too late!” and he snaps his fingers.

 

 

> **Daily notes log: attempt number 333 - lessons learned**
> 
> Well I can't say I’m not disappointed in this outcome, but there were a lot of positives in this reboot. Isolating Eleanor early on worked really well, and Vicky handled Chidi admirably. Jason is a bit of a loose cannon, I think in the future Tahani needs to find out about him earlier and I need to take pains that he looks ridiculous (even more than usual) so the other three don’t listen to him. The one downside of isolating Eleanor so much was that it limited the possibilities of playing her and Tahani off each other, I might want to force them together more next time.
> 
> The most important lesson of this reboot is that I need to lock down the train station. I’ll see what I can do about convincing Janet not to call trains for humans. I can’t let the humans go to Mindy St. Claire’s again, she just knows too much. All in all, it could have gone better, but we learned a lot, and if I can just prevent the humans from visiting the Medium Place, I’m sure we can make it work. I’m sure of it.


End file.
